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| There's a peculiar disorder in Psychiatry: morbid jealousy.
People suffering from this disorder wouild repeatingly accused their spouse or sexual partner being unfaithful, based on insignificant, minimal, or no evidence, often citing seemingly normal or everyday events or material to back up their claims.
Just like many of us.
But why are we jealous?
What makes jealousy a torture?
It's because our fear, the fear of loss.
While anticipating losing someone you love(d), loneliness comes out of the blue.
Not only loneliness erodes one's souls, but also the curtain of uncertainty falls upon one's future makes one falls.
Distrust, betrayal, uncertainty, hopelessness...all rooting from the one you used to love. The deeper you love, the more painful you feel.
You cannot understand why all these are happening to you, and you start to think if you truly deserve it by internalizing all the negative emotions. One of the cornerstones of your self-esteem simlply vanished.
This was story of my neighbor who was later diagnosed to have sufferred from morbid jealousy.
The other side of the story?
The husband did not understand why this is happening.
He loves his wife, and he thought this happened because he doesn't love her enough.
Sadly, the disorder responds neither to logic, nor to love.
In the end, all the love was drained and the fountain of love went dry.
"All you need is love, and be loved in return" only happens in musical. What remains the same in reality is the tragic ending of eternal separation, albeit the couples love each other.
The husband can do nothing but to leave his wife in attempt to protect her wife from sufferring all the aforementioned feelings of jealousy.
This is love.
When you have a baby with Down's syndrome, will you terminate the pregnancy?
This is one of the classic ethical question one will get in the interview before entering med school, and many different debate compeition of course.
When we were small, we often argue or portrait that parents who aborts are cold-blooded and everyone should be born equal. Having a genetic defects doesn't necessarily equate life-long suffer.
I beg to disagree. We are never born to be equal (and forgive me to be cyanical, this is the reason why we have to fight for equity.)
When you have witnessed mothers signing the forms, agreeing to terminate their pregnancy because of genetic abnormalities, you can see their souls burning through their eyes, and part of their souls dies with the tears they shed.
This is love.
I often think whether life would be simpler if I choose not to apply for med school, if I am not going to be doctor.
But on second thought I remember I've chosen this very different path because I want to be different, I want to live more lives than everybody else.
With the stories I listened from patients, I am getting what I want.
This should perhaps stop my moaning in hard times.
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| 不知道什麼時候開始，我開始記得你們的全名，並可以從人堆中認出你們，甚至知道你們的「花名」。
這是我從前都做不到的，因為以往我都只會以姓氏稱呼病人。
「名字」在這裡的功用，可能就是代表你們作為「人」的「尊嚴」；就像是教授叫得出我們的名字時的那種感覺。「名字」就是這樣的令你們和我們都覺得自己不是「可有可無」，這世上還有人記得自己的名字，記得自己。
你們也是第一批記得我們的姓氏，見到我們走進病房會向我們打招呼的病人。
我想當我記得你們的名字的同時，你們在我眼中就不再只是「case」了。
你跟我們說在病房很辛苦，很大壓力，因為一舉一動都被看著，你要小心不要「犯錯」，要小心不要令人誤會自己病發。一不小心，就不能出院。
你跟我們說在這裡「生不如死」，但「求死不能」。鐵窗下，這裡無異監獄，是「地獄」。
你跟我們說你到過的「那裡」，鄰床的比你更病，令你很害怕。
你跟我們說知道自己已經很幸福，但還是不由自主的不快樂，晚上不能入睡。
雖然我有同感，但我只能笑而不答。
而你甚至跟我們講秘密。
說真的，要是我被困在這裡，我也不知如何證明自己是「正常」。
你說你們被歧視。醫生說：是我們給你們這個診斷，我們不能「歧視」你們。
但是你又對我說謊，令我信以為真。當我看到排版的那刻，我氣餒，我憤怒。
原來快樂的人皮面具下是一潭混水；原來令別人笑的那個才是真正孤獨的。
這時，我慚愧了。我忘記了這是你的傷口，我忘記了這是你不想別人知道的。
你、你、你和你都不想多提了。
又或者是，你們都不相信自己有「病」。你寧願相信自己有別的病。
翻開病史紀錄，就像是小說一樣，但這是一幕又一幕的悲劇。
要不是這樣翻開紀錄，我也不知道你在「說謊」。
在這裡，「妙手」還不如「仁心」。
那天看著你那沒有靈魂似的眼神，我問上帝那人的靈魂在哪裡，那人的靈魂的什麼樣。
今天，你跟我們說你感謝神，因為衪讓我們到來。你又為我們禱告。
上帝對我說：衪沒有放棄這些我們看來彷彿殘缺不全的靈魂。 | | |
| MEN1
parathyroid pancreas pituitary
Renal cell carcinoma
Hematuria, loin pain, loin mass
Graves disease
thyrotoxicosis with diffusely enlarged thyroid, infiltrative ophthalmoplegia, infiltrative dermopathy,
Cushing triad (raised ICP)
increased SBP, bradycardia, abnormal breathing pattern
Pneumococcus Triad
pneumonia endocarditis Meningitis
Whipple triad (Hypoglycemia)
low BG value, signs and symptoms of hypogly, responsive to glucose
Addisonian crisis
hypoglycemia, hypotension and dehydration, hyperpigmentation
Meningitis
fever, neck stiffness, altered mental state
Measles
Coryza conjuntivitis cough
Nephrotic syndrome
hypoalbuminaemia proteinuria edema
Preeclampsia
proteinuria hypertension edema
Beck's triad (acute cardiac tamponade)
Muffled heart sound hypotension distended neck veins
Meniere disease
vertigo tinnitus sn hearing loss
Pyelonephritis
fever loin pain dysuria
Plummer Vinson syndrome
Fe deficiency anemia, dysphagia, postcricoid web
Wernicke's encephalopathy
confusion, ophthalmoplegia, ataxia
Knee unhappy triad
Medial Collateral Medial Meniscus ACL
Reiter's syndrome
urethritis, conjunctivitis, arthritis
Charcot's triad (Cholangitis)
Fever jaundice RUQ pain
Rigler's triad (gallstone ileus)
pneumobilia, small bowel obstruction, gallstone
Normal pressure hydrocephalus
gait disturbance, incontinence, dementia
Churg Strass Syndrome triad
late onset asthma, eosinophilia, vasculitis
Budd-Chiari Syndrome triad
abdominal pain, ascites, hepatomegaly
Mackler's triad (Boerhaave syndrome)
chest pain, vomiting and subcutaneous emphysema
Prune Belly Syndrome triad
absence abdominal muscle, undescended testis, urinary tract abnomaly
Hutchinson's triad (congenital syphilis)
nterstitial keratitis, Hutchinson incisors, eighth nerve deafness
Please feel free to give corrections or suggest additional triads~ | | |
| 考完試第二天頭很痛，話很少，因為「趙」香口膠「趙」到牙骹軟。
上大學後，不知什麼時候開始有「趙」香口膠的習慣。
上課時打呵欠，考試時，都會「趙」。
或許是緊張，又可能是集中，總之考試有時會「趙」到忘記了口中那塊東西。
「趙」呀「趙」，第二天就有好受了。
第一年考專業試考一整天試，就「趙」足那麼久。
試後一天驚覺「趙」東西時頭痛，又合不了口（不是我平時要不停說話的那種合不了口，而是真的合不了口！），那才回想起是「趙」得太用勁，太耐，肌肉（temporalis）酸痛。
我「趙」的是Airwaves。
這個品牌由我初中時開始出現。因為自小有「鼻敏感」，試過一次，便喜歡上那極速通鼻，有點「上腦」的感覺。（以前還流行rave party時，聽說場中地上除了「丸仔」，就是Airwaves了，不知真的假的。）
後來Airwaves出了「檸蜜」味，女朋友很喜歡，她的書包裡常常都有一排。
當時過了不久Extra又出了檸檬味，女朋友試過後亦說很喜歡。
我問：「那你喜歡之前的『檸蜜』，還是現在的『檸檬』？」
剛開始拍拖時，沒有自信，也沒有安全感。
那時的我其實想知道她是否貪新忘舊的人。
香口膠一定越「趙」越淡。
有些一開始「趙」起來很濃很香甜，但很快無味道。
「上腦」之後，「趙」到什麼時候才叫「無」味道，大概因人而異。
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| "Sales" is finding customers for existing products and convincing them to buy these products.
"Marketing" is discovering the wants of a target audience and then creating the goods and services to satisfy them."
Steve Jobs? He creates the "wants". | | |
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